2 posts tagged “america”

Stop selling weapons to undemocratic regimes.

Abolish the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation AKA School of the Americas

Uniform federal voting regulations

Paid maternity/paternity/parental leave

A government agency to investigate important questions such as whether ionic air cleaners really work, do those rubber balls actually speed up laundry drying, and whether strippers can really tell a fake Rolex from a real one.

National ID/passport/driver's license/voter registration/debit card

National age of consent: 12

Institute question time for the president, vice president, and cabinet officers in the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives.

Abolish capital punishment except in cases of high treason, war crimes, and crimes against humanity

Full employment

An ownership society

A 30-hour work week

Privatize mail and package delivery. FedEx, UPS, and DHL deliveries can be made to USPS P.O. boxes. Mailboxes accept FedEx, UPS, and DHL packages and mail. In addition to delivering mail and packages, add banking services to USPS post offices: check cashing, free checking, and micro, small, and payday loans. Make post offices outlets for online auction services. One-stop shopping for U.S. government services such as passports and passport photos. Sell all Pueblo, Colorado publications. Recycling centers where people can bring items they no longer want and get items they do. Mail slots on USPS vehicles. Physical address for post office boxes. Produce and/or sponsor television shows, movies, and video games about Benjamin Franklin, the Pony Express, early airplane mail delivery, and the USPS postal inspectors.

USPS sponsors cross-country Pony Express race where teams compete to deliver letters using backroads and small towns. USPS Olympics where mail carriers compete in foot races to complete routes the quicket, postal clerks compete to see who can be the surliest and most bored-looking (current winner in the Richmond district: downtown, just off Broad Street). USPS Cross-Country races, where post offices take stock postal vehicles, customize them, and then race them in different classes in teams from New York to San Francisco after trials, heats, eliminations, etc. USPS sponsors cross-country experimental airplane race in honor of early days of mail delivery by air. Sell 13 cent stamps.

Energy

Energy independence

Ban NASCAR

Legalize hitchhiking (a tip of the hat to Mark Holmberg, Richmond Times-Dispatch columnist)

Ban internal combustion-powered leaf blowers and cutters

Environment

Green, cool, sustainable cities

Legalize natural lawns

Sensible coastal and flood plain use

Military

Creation of Polar BEARS - high altitude search and rescue, artic and mountain warfare, long range reconnaissance, insurgency. To be used in the liberation of Canada, Russia, Tibet, China.

Creation of Jungle CATS - jungle search and rescue, jungle warfare, long range reconnaissance, insurgency. To be used in the liberation of Latin America and Africa.

Creation of Desert RATS or DAWGS - desert search and resuce, desert warfar, long range reconnaissance, insurgency. To be used in the overthrow of the Saudi monarchy and the liberation of Saharan Africa.

Creation of Mountain GOATS, etc. etc.

Make aircraft carriers into cruise ships with guns and planes to increase retention

Legalize gays in the military

Nation-building

The world's policeman

Pax Americana

Intelligence

The terrorist and the policeman both come from the same basket. - Joseph Conrad, The Secret Agent

Abolish the FBI and replace it with the equivalent of MI5, MI6, and the Criminal or National Bureau of Investigation. Tear down the J. Edgar Hoover building and replace it with the Jean Seberg National Movie Museum. Issue an executive order to disinter J. Edgar Hoover's body and find out if he was buried wearing panties. Build the Clyde Tolson Memorial Bathhouse in San Francisco. Note to Rachel Maddow: As a graduate of Langley High School in Langley,Virginia, .87 miles away from the CIA, and reader of a slew of  Len Deighton and John le Care novels, I am well aware that MI6 is the equivalent of the CIA. The nucleus of an MI6 equivalent be the FBI's foreign operations. It would provide competition for the CIA (checks and balances). Emulating MI6, it would be more analytical and humint-oriented, less corporate, and more informal, collegial, Oxfordian, brilliant, and eccentric (think Alan Turing). The person you need to correct is Janeane Garofalo, who used to call MI6 "Em-sixteen" on "The Majority Report" though I suspect she did that to get my pet goat.

Open borders with Canada and Latin America as in the European Union. If you can make it to the United States, you become a U.S. citizen. No dual citizenship.

Foreign Policy

Launch Radio Free French Canada. Station signs on with "Allez" by Sebastien Lacombe.

A plague on you. A plague on the whole stinking lot of ya, without morals or laws. And all you whores got no laws. You got no honor. It's no wonder you all emigrated to America, because they wouldn't have you in England. You're a lot of savages, that's what you all are. A bunch of bloody savages. A plague on you. I'll be back. – English Bob in "Unforgiven"

Eugène Delacroix, "Liberty Leading the People" (28 July 1830)

Overthrow of the English monarchy and the United Kingdom - I'm only doing this because I want to see Gwyneth Paltrow on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a Union Jack. The role of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick. Establish Scotland and Wales as nations.

Independence for French Canada - I'm only doing this because I want to see Thalia Assuras on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a French Canadian flag. The story of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick.

Annex Canada - I'm only doing this because I want to see Pamela Anderson on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a United States flag. The role of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick.

Overthrow of the Iranian mullahs - I'm only doing this because I want to see Catherine Bell on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a Union Jack. The role of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick.

Overthrow the House of Saud

Destruction or reconstruction of the state of Israel – I'm only doing this because I want to see Marc Maron's wife on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a Palestinian flag. The story of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick. The state of Israel can get of the hook by hanging everyone in the chain of command for the deliberate attack on the USS Liberty, the Qana massacre, and the UN observation post in Khiam up to and including Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. Only if Israel allowed the right of return, paid for the lands they stole, and became a secular state with no religious tests and religious freedom, including the right to proselytize, do I see any reason for it to continue to exist as a country or as a UN protectorate (corrupt, incompetent adult supervision for children who don't play well with others).

Reunification of Ireland - I'm only doing this because I want to see Maureen Dowd on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a Irish flag. The story of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick.

Overthrow of Communist Cuba - I'm only doing this because I want to see Rosario Dawson on the barricades dressed as Liberty with her tits hanging out and waving a Cuban flag. The role of a lifetime and a photo op that will make the flag-raising at Iwo Jima look sick. There's nothing wrong with Cuba that can't be fixed by bigger donkeys.

Overthrow of Communist China - Candice Bergen in a reprise of her role in "The Sand Pebbles," only this time with her - you guessed the rest.
 
Overthrow of North Korea (Juju Chang etc.), and Vietnam. Free Tibet and Burma.

Independent Kurdistan

Independence for Hawaii

A living wage

Single-payer universal health care with an emphasis on prevention

Social Security Plus: universal and portable retirement

Abortion: safe, legal, never: encourage adoption and birth control

It takes a village to raise a child

All access and full rehabilitation for the handicapped

Expanded stem cell research

Felons have their rights restored on release

Elections are holidays

Public financing of election campaigns

Verifiable, auditable paper trails on electronic voting

Animal rights

No speed limits on interstates

Legalize hitchiking (a tip of the hat to Mark Holmberg of The Richmond Times-Dispatch for that one).

Everyone rides for free on Amtrak. Dedicated funding for Amtrak.

Protection of the rights to bear arms, free expression, against unreasonable search and seizure, an open Internet, and the Bill of Rights in general, including the right to burn any damn flag you want (subject to local fire codes). Free speech includes individual, commercial, religious (including the right to proselytize), political, frivolous, offensive, hateful, and abusive.

Marriage as a civil ceremony
• Polygamy
• Polyandry
• Same sex marriage
• Trial marriage
• Legalize adoption by same-sex couples

Legalize drugs

Legalize prostitution

Legalize pornography

Remove all public Confederal memorials and monuments in the United States

Abolish the Federal Reserve

Flat tax - your income tax form on a postcard. Look, ma, I'm triangulating!

Easy trademark, patent, and copyright registration - send in a postcard.

Free trade, fair trade

Nationalize Walmart

Nationalize Capital One

Expropriate Steve Jobs' wealth from Apple and Pixar and return it to the people he stole it from. Establish a Truth Commission headed by Owen Linzmayer to redistribute his ill-gotten gains

Eradicate spam

Eradicate pests and vermin

Give George Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Condi Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Scooter Libbie, Douglas Feith, Alberto Gonzales, John Warner, Duncan Hunter, and Tommy Franks a full, fair, and legal trial for Iraq war crimes and then hang them by the neck until dead. Try Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Senator John Warner, chairman of the Armed Services Committee, Representative Duncan Hunter, chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, in a military court for treason, criminal negligence, and dereliction of duty. Sentence: to be men without a country.

Give Henry Kissinger a full, fair, and legal trial for high crimes and misdemeanors, including war crimes and treason, and crimes against humanity and then hang him by the neck until dead.

Did you miss it? IAVA has released an official rating for every member of Congress.

To see how your legislator rates on troops' and veterans' issues, check their official IAVA Congressional Rating.

These new ratings are the first-ever comprehensive guide to your legislators' performance on issues that affect the lives of the newest generation of troops and veterans, and their families. We've counted every vote cast on IAVA issues for the last five years, crunched the numbers, and given every legislator a letter grade.

Did your Senator get an A or an F? Click here to find out.

Supporting the troops should mean more than wearing an American flag lapel pin. This is your chance to check your Senators' and Representatives' dedication to the troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan -- and to hold them accountable if their votes don't match their rhetoric.

Thanks for all your support.

Sincerely,

Paul Rieckhoff