stuntedgrowth

...the whitest man in Richmond. - Mark Holmberg, Richmond Times-Dispatch

the quintessential everyman, he's a little bit of everything that we're all striving for.. mostly the search for the truth in our lives. From poignant notions of love to our own inescapable lascivious tendencies, from mundane to the outlandish, on that journey we face tough questions, but even tougher decisions. He'll take you on his journey and back, he won't promise you enlightenment (who can?), but you can at least be assured of a good time. -Boyzco

Profile Vitalsbrown eyes, black hair, 5' 9", 156 pounds. Born in Washington D.C. July 22, 1949. Age: 57.

Disambiguation

I am not:

Chris Martin, frontman for the band Coldplay Chris William Martin, Canadian actor Chris Martin, host of Food Jammers DJ Premier, born as Christopher Martin Christopher "Play" Martin of Kid 'N' Play Chris Martin, cricketer for New Zealand Chris Martin,footballer, striker for Norwich City the Chris Martin on the Seattle Fishermen's Memorial

EducationGraduated from Great Falls Elementary, Great Falls, Virginia. Attended Christchurch School, Tappahannock, Virginia from 1963 to 1965. Also attended J.E.B. Stuart High School in Falls Church, Virginia. Graduated from Langley High School, Langley, Virginia in 1967. College

Graduated from Knox College with a B.A. in sociology in 1971.

Student senator

Editor, The Knox Student, student newspaper, 1969-70.

Occupations

Life coach, business and political consultant, stock photographer.

Memberships

When I mention Religion, I mean the Christian religion; and not only the Christian Religion, but the Protestant Religion; and not only the Protestant Religion, but the Church of England. - Reverend Thwackum, Tom Jones

Charter member of the History Channel Club, Minnesotans for Global Warming, National Rifle Association, Smithsonian Institution, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Groups I plan to join

Friends of Byrd Park, Byrd Park Civic League, Sierra Club, American Civil Liberties Union, Native American Rights Fund.

Former member

Saint Mark's Episcopal Church, Richmond, VA; The Paula Abdul Fan Club, Libertarian Party, the Roman Catholic Church, Thomas Jefferson Unitarian-Universalist Church, Charlottesville, VA; Cub Scouts, Students for a Democratic Society, Resist, Kiwanis Club, and the Communication Workers of America.

Recent campaign contributions

Al Franken for Senate, $75. Jackie Jackson for Virginia House of Delegates, $25.

Philanthropy

$900 to Virginia Commonwealth University, $25 to the Richmond Moving Image Coop in honor of Janeane Garofalo, $25 gift individual membership in the Virginia Holocaust Museum for Janeane Garofalo, Disabled American Veterans.

Retail establishments I use or recommend

Starbucks

Blue Oasis Audio

Payless Shoes

Frattini Express-Mart, 519 E. Franklin Street, Richmond, VA 23219, 804-649-0997, next to Enterprise Rent-A-Car: what really knocks me out is the cheap sunglasses - $3 for all styles, including futuristic Mad Max types. Cheap cigarettes, sundries, lunchables. The people are cool and nice.

Hotels I use or recommend

The Omni, Charlottesville, VA - the front desk clerk likes the Ramones.

Retail establishments I don't frequent AKA boycotts

All Walmarts, except for the Forest Hills, Richmond, VA, whose manager allowed the American Friends Service "Eyes Wide Open" in the parking lot.

Products I use and/or recommendCameras: Nikon, Olympus, Leica.

Method: cruelty-free cleaning products

Audio equipment: Sennheiser headphones.

Jobs

Assistant telephone cable splicer, short order cook, survey taker, Libertarian Party organizer, political campaign director and news secretary, assistant director of public relations for Forsyth Memorial Hospital, Winston-Salem, NC, newspaper photographer, reporter, news clerk, editor, and publisher, radio reporter, television commentator, media consultant, business consultant, life coach.

Sales: Avon and Amway.

Columnist: Eye magazine, MacOpinion.com. Zine reviewer for Gray Areas magazine.

Habitats

Countries lived in: Italy, Germany, Liberia, Switzerland. Countries visited: France, England, Belgium, England.

U.S. states lived in: Virginia, North Carolina, Kentucky, Ohio, Illinois. States visited: Georgia, Florida, California, Tennessee, Iowa, New York, New Hampshire, Maine, Pennsylvania, Massachussetts.

Sports

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words: it is war minus the shooting. - George Orwell.

Sports played in high school: basketball, cross country, track. Lettered in track. Favorite football team: The Oakland Raiders. Favorite baseball team: The New York Yankees. Sexual orientation

Heterosexual.

Marital status

Single.

Addictions and vices

Caffeine, sugar. Social drinker. Erotica. Inhaled marijuana repeatedly during the sixties. Most memorable psychedelic experience: watching "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" in a movie theater full of screaming, stoned, and drunk college students while high on mescaline. Other drugs I have used: nitrous oxide.

Health

Mild case of BPH, floaters, and plantar fasciitis.

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Quasi-vegetarian.

Thank you for not smoking.

Unlike other environmentalists, I talk the talk and I walk the walk. I use flurorescents at home, I don't own a car and use a bicycle.

HobbiesRevenge, flying kites, collecting Barbies. Currently working on a final solution to the duck, geese, and seagull problem at Swan Lake, Byrd Park, Richmond, Virginia. Heroes

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Eugene McCarthy, "Howlin" Henry Howell, Howard "Howling" Dean, A.J. Muste, Jane Jacobs, Janeane Garofalo, Bill Baird, Julian Bond, Lennie Bruce, Lenny and Squiggy.

I saw dead people

Dead celebrities I have been in the same room with: Jerry Falwell, Frank Yerby, Gerald Ford, Ralph Hattersley, the day his wife died from smoking in bed; Spider Sabich, Arthur Conley, Phil Ochs, Vaugn Bode, Isaac Asimov, Sargent Shriver, R.W. Apple, James Reston, Clifton Daniel, Bukka White, Byron "Whizzer" White, Fred Sonic Smith, Paul Butterfield, Michael Bloomfield, Gene Rodenberry, Jack Carroll "Jay" Haldeman II, Alfred Bester, Roger Zelazny.

Brushes with greatness

Queen Elizabeth II, George "Macaca" Allen, Doug Wilder, Tim Kaine, Jim Wooten, Robert Goolrick, Nick Galifianakis, Sissy Spacek, Lilton Tanner, Phoef Sutton, Philip Agee, Alexander Cockburn, Michael Barnes, Paul Rieckhoff, Jim Webb, Les Gelb, Staughton Lynd,the Reverend Billy Wirtz, the Reverend "Little Walter" Fauntroy, Marshall Coleman, James Hunt, Terry Sanford, Jessie Helms, John Podesta, Wendy Webb, Mark Keller, Isaiah Sanders, Corky Siegel, Jim Schwall, Gail Palmer, Harlan Ellison (he called me a poster child for birth control), Chip Delaney, Kevin White, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Grace Lichtenstein, Seymour Hersh, Ray Bradbury, Jerry Falwell, Doug Kershaw, Frederik Pohl, John Jakes' daughter, Sally Mann's camera repairman.

Made in VirginiaChief Stephen Adkins of the Chickahominy, Chief Ken Adams of the Upper Mattaponi, Paul Goldman. Lifestyles of the Richmond famousBill Pantele, "The Donald" McEachin, Mark "Mark Down" Joy, Eva Russo, the Richmond Times-Dispatch photographer who looks like a model; "Marty McFly" Jewell, Michael Morchower, Gordon "Word Boy" Bass, Happy the Artist, "Big Rudy" McCollum, Ed Slipek, WRIC news hottie Rochelle Dean, Mark "Homeboy" Holmberg, the Damon Runyon/Ernie Pyle/Balzac/Weegee of Richmond; VA and points west, Bob Brown, Philip Tomes, progressive jazz drummer who played for nearly four years at the New Orlean Playboy Club and father of Jason Mraz, who once spent a year without speaking; Reva Trammell, the comeback kid of Richmond, VA politics, Eugene "Sun King" Trani, "Fightin' Joe" Morrissey, "Fightin' Davey" Baugh. Amazing but true

Alice Cooper played at my senior prom. My favorite Michael J. Fox movies are "Teen Wolf" and "Doc Hollywood." Least favorite: "Light of Day" - man, did that movie suck hard. I want my money back, Mike. I once gave Richmond Commonwealth's Attorney "Fightin' Joe" Morrisey the finger downtown. I once made a Henrico Police Department officer in a patrol car cut and run with the sound of my voice. I once sold a pen refill to J. Edgar Hoover. My mother worked for J. Edgar Hoover's urologist.

I may be the only person on the planet who has been to a Quaker meeting with Staughton Lynd and an Independent Baptist service with Jerry Falwell. I once told Doug Wilder he was a nigger. He says he doesn't mind. Then he won't mind if I call him an Uncle Tom and a Whoreo. (For the record, Barack Obama and Tom Hudson are also Whoreos.) If he weren't, he would get control of his racist police department, clean house, and tear down the Confederate statues on Monument Avenue. I do mind your spying on me, Doug.

The marriage of art and science: I once lived across the street from the Virginia Museum of Fine Art and moved to across the street from the Virginia Museum of Science.

RegretsI didn't make Gloria Hubbell feel all right when she came to my room and started singing "Gloria." Gloria played in a band in Kabul, Afghanistan and one of the songs in their repertoire was - you guessed it. (Carol: Would you like to come upstairs for some coffee? George Costanza: no, thanks. I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up.) I didn't give Anne Christensen an orgasm. I didn't see Janis Joplin at the Fillmore West in 1968 because I thought I though she would be like Frank Sinatra: around forever. I didn't go to see Frank Sinatra at the Landmark Theater because I thought... The worn-out welcome mat

Subdivisions - In the high school halls In the shopping malls Conform or be cast out - Rush

Like Homer Simpson, banned for life from several shopping centers. Once thrown out of a bar in Charlottesville, Virginia for calling a woman a twit (not a misspelling). Persona non grata at Virginia Commonwealth University and the Federal Reserve.

Achievements

Founded Potlatch, a celebration of Native American culture and achievements, in December, 2007. Arrested while carrying a sign that read, "Kiss my ass, Eugene Trani," while on a public sidewalk in front of the office of the president of Virginia Commonwealth University. Ran a tourist boycott, "Virginia Is Not for Lovers," against anti-sex and anti-sodomy laws in Virginia. Publicly urinated on the statue of Stonewall Jackson in Richmond, Virginia. Prolific tagger in the Jackson Ward neighborhood of Richmond, VA in the early nineties. Fan Guest of Honor at Rovacon, Roanoke, VA.

Musicians I like

Stephen Stills, David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Graham Nash,George Clinton (haven't seen him since 1969), Rachel Leyco, Wendy Webb, Mark Keller, Pat Benatar, Alicia Keys, Etta James, Aretha Franklin, Marilyn McCoo, Shania Twain, Little Richard,Guitar Man, James Brown (another guy who doesn't like troopers), Bob Welch, Bill Withers, Chuck Berry, Lou Rawls, John Lee Hooker, and Dwight Yoakam.

Actresses I like

Marg Hellenbanger, Elizabeth Rohm.

Words to live by

Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future. - Risky Business